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| The little things. |
| 07.27.06 (12:43 pm) [edit] |
I wear a hematite ring. It's black, shiny and simple. Just a band. It's my wedding ring. I got it at the Daughters of the Republic of Texas Museum for two dollars. I bought it with Devon. He got one too. We told the lady behind the counter they were for our wedding and she told us stories until we felt it wouldn't be a stretch to invite her. Three weeks later, Devon's ring broke while he was swatting at a mosquito. We giggled on the kitchen floor and howled over the fact that he had missed the mosquito.
I see big diamonds on the fingers of women around me. I smile and compliment them on such a fine jewel and they often crow about the details of it and how it came to rest on their finger. I never hear about their husbands, except when someone cracks the occassional joke about how far back it set them financially. They sometimes seem proud of this. I wonder what their husbands are like.
If we had a lot of money, I wonder if we would see the sense in spending it on more expensive jewelry. I wonder. Maybe there is a big difference between having a wealthy family and being independently wealthy. I've already figured out that the strings attached to family fortune aren't worth the advantage. If independently wealthy means being a glutton, I'm okay with not having much money. None of us are exempt from falling prey to poverty in a moment's notice.
It amuses me that a wedding without silk and satin, veils and music is an unthinkable thought in some. Just as absurd is wishing for simplicity, instead of creating it. Devon and I delight in our unceremonious ceremony and the life we've carved out together since then. We're enjoying pulling the clothesline in zig zags across the ten foot by eight foot, fenced in enclosure that is our back yard. We sleep in a low, wide bed in the dining room, our walls are lightweight burgandy curtains that blow with a good breeze coming through the windows. We play dice games and board games. We wrestle on the bed and laugh loudly. We fuss at each other, argue, bicker and discuss.
I can't imagine that a bigger house or richer food would somehow make us happier.
|
posted by: Cutter (reply)
post date: 07.28.06 (2:44 am)
sounds a lot like "happiness" to me.
posted by: ruined (reply)
post date: 07.28.06 (10:20 am)
You know... this post really is touching. A shows a very real, human side and is a beautiful story. Very well written. It makes me wonder why you're spreading unhappiness and bitterness on my blog. There seem to be two sides to you. I like this side. I'd appreciate it if you were to show this side of you on my blog, should you decide to comment on it, again. This side of you is very likeable.
posted by: Devon (reply)
post date: 07.28.06 (5:02 pm)
Reply to: Ruined
Suggesting that Lindy has a human side is just insulting. She's far more genuine than you could ever hope to witness.
posted by: ruined (reply)
post date: 07.28.06 (5:30 pm)
Reply to: Devon
Hey now... if I recall correctly, she's the one that went to my blog to start crap. I decided to check hers out to see what makes her tick. My comment was actually supposed to be a compliment. If you didn't take it as such, then I guess you missed my point. And that part of your comment that says that she's "... more genuine that you could ever hope to witness."... and you know this because... you know me? Or is that an assumption? And if so, that assumption is based on...?
As I stated, this was meant as a compliment. That, as well as a polite attempt to get her to stop posting crap on my blog. A war is not what I want... it's what I'm attempting to avoid.
posted by: Devon (reply)
post date: 07.29.06 (4:49 am)
reply to ruined
You are such a tool.
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 07.29.06 (7:09 am)
I fear Devon's Canadian humor may have been lost here (ironically, given that charge seems what you levelled at me from the start). He was poking fun of the fact that your compliment is very much two fold, laced with a thinly veiled insult, but that's neither here nor there.
'... more genuine than you could ever hope to witness.'
Take it literally and there is nothing subjective there. You are very good at making things about yourself. That your compliment was somehow an attempt to get me to change my manner of expressing myself is, well, strange and also not very genuine. I wonder if what you are saying here constitutes being categorized as 'crap.' Heh. Oh well. Thanks for coming out.
posted by: (reply)
post date: 07.29.06 (10:19 am)
Reply to: lindy
I fear you and Devon mistake yourselves for intellectuals. Are you in college? If so, what is your major. My guess would be social worker. Just a stab.
posted by: (reply)
post date: 07.29.06 (10:24 am)
Reply to: Devon
Tools are, at least, useful. More than I can say for you, sadly. Sorry you Lindy feel the need to be such sarcastic folk. The two of you seem to hold some bitterness. I'd like to know how I became the outlet. Hey, whatever. If you need me to be your outlet, than I guess I'm doing something good for somebody, then.
posted by: Devon (reply)
post date: 07.30.06 (3:58 pm)
Nice victim complex buddy. Thanks for coming out.
posted by: ruined (reply)
post date: 07.31.06 (1:39 am)
Reply to: devon
Nice inferiority complex that you feel the need to be an ass toward other people to boost your self esteem. Hope its working. Because hopeless cases like you need a boost, once in awhile.
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 07.31.06 (4:08 am)
Reply to: ruined
Intellectuals. Hmm. *scans previous post and comments..* Nope. Don't see any such claim, but thank you for suggesting that we might be, I suppose. I imagine every person's definition of an intellectual is probably a bit different, so it's silly to assume you have any idea what I think of myself. Apparently, I'm spoiled and insulting, though I find little evidence of that. I am no longer in college and neither is Devon, but I fear your heading down that path wouldn't satisfy your quest for answers as to why both of us have picked up on how inept and concrete you are. Are we having fun yet? I admire your diligence to this conversation. Ego won't let it go, eh? All of this because you couldn't grasp the concept that my initial comment was exactly what I meant to say and was not at all an insult. Got to you didn't it. Look around. Where are you right now and how are you spending your time? *grin*
posted by: Devon (reply)
post date: 07.31.06 (4:28 am)
Reply to: ruined
I don't feel the need to be an ass to other people. You earned it.
posted by: devon (reply)
post date: 07.31.06 (5:47 am)
Reply to Lindy
this ruined chick is a glutton for punishment.
posted by: Lindy (reply)
post date: 07.31.06 (6:34 am)
Reply to: devon
Apparently. Perhaps he'll scoot along when he realizes that the 'spoiled, insulting diva' isn't in the least intimidated by his clearly superior gender and has no intention of conforming to his idea of how a woman should speak to him.
By the way, Devon.. communication is key. (especially with your wife) *wink*
posted by: fluttergirl2523 (reply)
post date: 08.01.06 (7:15 am)
I wish more people realized that marriage isn't about the ring or wedding & how much it cost, what type of house you live in, how financially well off you are... but now a days people are too damn materialistic! It's nice to see two people who can be happy with each other, not just the things they have! I wish you both many more years of happiness together :-)
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.01.06 (7:20 am)
Reply to: fluttergirl2523
Indeed, fg. It's so true. The ring, the cost of the ceremony.. and we wonder why the divorce rate is so high these days. People no longer undeerstand or mean it when they pledge not to enter into the institution of marriage lightly or wantonly. There is an attitude that if things don't work out, they can just split up. It's a shame really. Devon and I were reading your profile and were quite amused that just about everything you listed could be said about us as well. Cool. Thanks for taking a moment to leave your thoughts. :)
posted by: Cutter (reply)
post date: 08.01.06 (11:52 am)
Reply to: Lindy
You're a DIVA???!!!
EEEEEEEeeeeekkkkkkKKKKK!!!!!!
WHY didn't YOU TELL ME????
yeesh. I'm SO embarrassed.
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.01.06 (12:13 pm)
reply to: Cutter
Hahahahaaaa! I wish *I* had known! At least I could have dressed the part! *snicker snicker*
I'm a bit embarrassed about it myself. I went 36 years without realizing it until yesterday. ;)
posted by: fluttergirl2523 (reply)
post date: 08.01.06 (12:30 pm)
Reply to: lindy
I don't know if you read back in my journal that my husband and I were seperated. We decided that for now we are going to live apart while we work on ourselves, but we no longer consider ourselves seperated. We just want to make sure that we work on our own issues before working on them as a couple. We are on the phone all the time though (it's kinda like we're dating again LOL). And you should hear all the comments I get about that I should just leave him instead of try and work things out... just because WE decided not to immediately move back in together.... geesh I went off on a tangent there... oops!
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.01.06 (4:35 pm)
Reply to: fluttergirl2523
No, no, don't worry about going off on a tangent. I'm the tangent queen, err, I mean diva. hee hee. To be perfectly honest with you, I've often been suspicious of people who take a break from each other because that is usually a smoke screen for just trying to create some distance before breaking away for good. But it sounds like you and your husband genuinely care about each other and want to try to make a go of it. I'm a firm believer that whatever you need to work on, it should be done between the two of you, in fact, I'll even go further down the rabbit hole and say this: Every decision you make, no matter how small or insignificant, is either moving toward or away from your partner. I think keeping that in mind helps us be more proactive in our choices and less reactive. I truly hope the two of you mend the breech. You sound like an open and communicative person. Ignore the nay sayers and the gossip hounds who would see you separate. People generally aren't to be trusted in their advice, as they usually have some pretty heavy baggage governing the direction they choose. I hope you keep blogging about this - I'd be interested in seeing how things progress.
posted by: fluttergirl2523 (reply)
post date: 08.01.06 (5:39 pm)
Reply to: lindy
yes, yes.. Diva, let's get it right here ;-)
My husband and I do care for each other, there is no denying that we deeply love each other. We also took our vows seriously, which, btw, were taken in front of 12 people in the house of a local Justice Of The Peace. We also realized that most of our problems stem from problems within ourselves. Funny you should say I seem like an open and communicative person, this is something I've only learned in the past few months. One of our major problems was communication. We've been actively working on bettering ourselves on this.
And I so know what you mean about not trusting people with their advice. Sadly, the most negative people about my situation are my family, namely my mother & sister who themselves are in abusive relationships.
I'm sure I'll blog about it ALOT! Thanks for listening and sharing your opinion, it helps!
posted by: Nightbreed (reply)
post date: 08.08.06 (3:05 pm)
I SOOOOOOOOOOO LUVVVVVVVV YOUUU
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.08.06 (3:10 pm)
Reply to Nightbreed: hahahaha, April. It is so good to see you again. I hope you stick around for a while. Tblog just ain't the same without you. :):):)
posted by: inkspector (reply)
post date: 08.08.06 (3:48 pm)
The richest people are those who are rich in spirit.
Blessings to you both.
posted by: Lindy (reply)
post date: 08.09.06 (4:07 am)
Reply to: Nightbreed
Yep.
Cuz I got married. ;)
posted by: userfriendly (reply)
post date: 08.09.06 (1:28 pm)
must be nice...
:P
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.09.06 (2:52 pm)
Reply to: userfriendly
It is, Nate. :) Things are rocking and rolling. I hope you are doing alright.
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 08.13.06 (7:15 pm)
Don't think I'd like to have a lot of money, but I suppose I wouldn't mind trying for a year or two... ya know, as an experiment... to futher the body of human knowledge... to serve the greater good.
I might have to try driving a nice car for a while too. It would be a burden, but II'd be willing to make the sacrifice. -Take one for the team, ya know? I'll write up a nice report afterward... (if they can find me.)
posted by: kaikai (reply)
post date: 08.14.06 (10:48 am)
I've been to some weddings where I'm afraid the bride and groom just completely lost the plot! The nicest wedding I've been to was a couple of years ago, when one of my cousins got married. Everything was very low-key, but everything was personal to the two of them - they'd obviously put a huge amount of thought into it and that made it beautiful.
Good luck to the two of you!
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.14.06 (12:44 pm)
Reply to: kaikai
Thanks, KaiKai. :) My best friend was a 'Bridezilla' and lo and behold, the very day that her wedding was all set, hurricane Rita came a'callin and all her plans were for nought. She moved north and had an impromptu ceremony, jumped on a plane to India and was promptly greeted with that earthquake that shook Kashmir last year. I keep thinking this was poetic justice served up warm, though the joke is that her fiance really did rock her world. *crash, bang*
It's nice to see people enter into marriage with the right idea. I think I may have gotten it right this time. Thanks for your well wishes. :)
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.14.06 (12:51 pm)
Reply to: surrogate
Hmm.. If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to make things a bit easier on you.. take some of the burdon of wealth off your shoulders. You could just drop it all off at my place from time to time and I could help you spend it. That way, you wouldn't be so exhausted when it's time to write your report. I'm a great car sitter too. I do well with the usual.. Porsche, Ferrari, Saleen S7 or perhaps a Lamborghini Murciélago.. yeah, I do well with those..
posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 08.14.06 (4:49 pm)
Reply to: lindy
Well, I kind of wanted the Lamborghini, but we could trade off once in a while.
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.22.06 (11:52 am)
Reply to: godsmack
*giggle* I just left you a comment while you were leaving me one. Great minds think alike? Hmmm. I can so see you with that tomato on your nose. Dare you to take a picture and post it. ;)
posted by: laydeepulse (reply)
post date: 08.22.06 (3:11 pm)
i just want to silk and diamonds because thta is what makes me feel pretty. if simplicity makes you feel pretty, thats how yoru wedding should be. I think a wedding should make a bride feel her best and the man feel the most......manly, lol, and the couple to feel the most together. And I think that differs from couple to couple
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.22.06 (3:27 pm)
Reply to: laydeepulse
True, it's different from couple to couple, but my focus is on the marriage, as opposed to the wedding. I've noticed more and more that when the ceremony has ended and things calm down, newly married couples have absolutely no idea how to make each other happy. I think when the right people find each other, the details of the ceremony become inconsequential. Silk and diamonds just don't make me feel pretty. I've still got the same face and body, whether I'm wearing them or not. I feel pretty when my husband looks at me. I would hope that is the case with you too. Cheers. :)
posted by: laydeepulse (reply)
post date: 08.23.06 (10:47 am)
Reply to: lindy
well i wear "silk and diamonds" everyday, not for other people, but it makes me fee more femenine.
i agree, but i was just talking about the ceremony, i know marraige is not all about the wedding, i have seen too many fail to knwo that isn't the truth.
posted by: rizi (reply)
post date: 08.24.06 (9:13 am)
A typical post from you - sometimes I really wonder if you are really all what you claim to be - I lie a lot in my blogs - but having following your blog for a while now I have to admit that you are indeed a nice soul.
posted by: Lindy (reply)
post date: 08.24.06 (9:21 am)
Reply to: rizi
Hahaha, Rizi! You are hilarious! :) Where have you been lately? Hiding in real life again? Hee hee. Gosh, it's really quite sweet of you to claim that I'm a nice soul, but I'm afraid I'm not at all worthy of such praise. I can be the biggest meanie. In fact, lately I have been really mean to a fellow blogger. It happens when someone rubs me the wrong way. People who find comfort in logic and people who love to emote often find themselves on opposite ends of the spectrum, you know? It's rare that they meet in the middle and can actually understand one another, though I think you may be able to do just that.
So you lie in your blog, eh? Now *that* makes me really, reeeeeally curious!
posted by: rizi (reply)
post date: 08.24.06 (9:32 am)
Well nice souls aren't supposed to be nice to all - perhaps I used the wrong word - pardon me. By nice soul I meant being nice and truthful to yourself.
posted by: Lindy (reply)
post date: 08.24.06 (9:43 am)
Reply to: rizi
Hmmm.. that makes sense. I am nice to myself. I usually like who I am. And when I don't, I am truthful about it too. I have noticed that you are very hard on yourself sometimes. I wish that wasn't the case. Just from what I've seen of you here, you have a good, working mind, fine logic and you are in touch with the emotional side of life - which is more than most logically inclined people can claim. :)
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.27.06 (6:42 am)
Reply to: Godsmack
haha, I want a picture of you sporting a tommy toe! ;)
posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 08.30.06 (5:49 am)
Oh ya there's gonna come a day when I want a 'rock' on my hand! heh However I am smart enough to know that the time frame of that happening is WAY off in the distant future--at which point my fingers will be so disfigured with arthritis I won't be able to wear the damn thing, lol.
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.30.06 (8:07 am)
Reply to: FinalyFree
*giggle* You crack me up, S. Yeah, let's not start PLANNING on having new ailments in the future, eh? Haven't you had enough already? ;)
posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 08.30.06 (8:33 am)
Reply to: lindy
Oh honey arthritis is a given for me, surrogate once said to me, "damn your family sure didn't win the genetic lottery, did they?" and that pretty well sums it up, lol.
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 08.30.06 (9:09 am)
Reply to: FinalyFree
Man. Makes you wonder if your great, great uncle Leroy, twice removed did something so bad that the entire family is paying the price all these years later! Got any serial killers in the family? (hahaha, kidding)
posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 08.30.06 (11:20 am)
Reply to: lindy
Somebody, somewhere sure as hell did something, heh! And to my knowledge no serial killers, there was the one token 'bad seed' but he only stole cars and he's been dead for years,lol.
posted by: crescent (reply)
post date: 09.02.06 (7:24 am)
Interesting, I see a lovely posting, open up the comments and find... flaming?!
Anyway, I love the idea behind what you said - what you have found is indeed what I think of as "true love" :) And even if I get uncertain about my appearance every once in a while, I always feel beautiful around him. It's not in the diamonds, I think, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' (~Margaret Hungerford).
I wish you all the best together, and let you stay like you are now :)
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 09.02.06 (6:52 pm)
Reply to: Crescent
Indeed. The flaming transpired after an unrelated and simple comment was miscontrued by someone who is clearly a case of arrested emotional development. *shrug* I can't do much about that. But I don't back down when someone tries to intimidate me either. I smell chauvinists from a mile away and I like rubbing their noses in it just to show them I'm not intimidated. Shame on me, I find it most entertaining. :) Thank you for the compliment on my thoughts and my good fortune. It sounds like you have a significant other who appreciates you. I hope this is the case.
posted by: smallwonder (reply)
post date: 09.05.06 (10:57 pm)
i really have nothing better to say other than i love this post. it really touched my heart because i see myself the same way. i can picture you living so happy with your love by your side, and isn't all you could really ask for?
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 09.06.06 (7:16 am)
Reply to: smallwonder
Why, thank you, SmW. :) I'm glad you can relate to this post. That tells me you have a great chance of marrying for the right reasons. I hope this is your reality as well. :)
posted by: bronwynj (reply)
post date: 10.03.06 (2:50 am)
An Australian study from 1977 to 1994 found that 43% of all Australian marriages are likely to end in divorce; 8% within five years, 19% within 10 years, 32% within 20 years and 39% within 30 years.
- Australian Bureau of Statistics
1996 stats: the US Divorce Rate (Per 1000 population per year) is 4.95.
Divorces (as % of marriages) in the US: 49%.
I'd like to see the up to date figures.
(At least) nearly half of us (eventually) have unhappy marriages (& don't forget that just because people stay married, it doesn't necessarily follow that they are "happily married") - so if in an unhappy marriage, wouldn't one rather be financially secure & materially comfortable?!
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 10.03.06 (8:25 am)
Reply to: bronwynj
Thanks for the stats, Bronwynj. I too went digging for some updated stats and found the 1996 numbers to be the most recent. Perhaps 2006 will yield new stats made available to us, though recorded stats (especially by any government) tend to be pretty skewed in general, I think.
'-so if in an unhappy marriage, wouldn't one rather be financially secure & materially comfortable?!'
Well, that's the thing.. financially secure and materially comfortable isn't going to bring you want you are looking for, assuming that you aren't a material person. Vacuous, idle, materialistic people can handle (and sometimes prefer) being in a loveless marriage, or one of convenience. But you pin point something specific by terming it an *unhappy* marriage. An unhappy marriage is one that is clearly not fulfilling, is not able to meet the needs of one or both of the married couple. A comfortable lifestyle isn't going to bring them what they are missing - what they are wanting. There really can't be a trade off in such a case. If it's a communication breakdown, obviously trying to improve the communication seems the right way to go, if there is salvageable love in the relationship. If it's a case of just being coupled with the wrong person, getting married for the wrong reason(s), well, I'm sorry to say it, but sometimes, it's better to just suck up the mistake and get it over with - as in, get on with things, despite the financial hardships that may await you in going it alone. I was a mother of two very young girls when this decision came my way. As tough as it has been, I can't imagine what my life would be like today if I had stayed in my own unhappy marriage. So, long answer in short form: No, one (this one anyway) would not rather be financially secure and materially comfortable. I'd rather be scraping by with my soul in tact. I'd rather pass along poverty and conviction to my children, as opposed to narcotizing and personal unhealth. Hope that clarifies the issue.
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 02.27.08 (8:45 am)
Hello....
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 02.27.08 (9:56 am)
Reply to: nightbreed
APRIL!!! How the heck are you, stranger?!?!?!! Oh, man, it's so nice to see you! I'm kind of scarce around here too these days, but hey, still plugging away. I'll trot over and see how you're doing... :)))
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 02.27.08 (7:57 pm)
Reply to: lindy
i got the net for a month or too.. i couldnt stay away. gsmack and kraz are closed down cause of certain peeps here in my real world.. i dont think they know this..lol
yeah, it looks a bit scary in here and sd is ignoring me..rofl.. oh boy ive been bored and lonly.. nice to chat to a real person again
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 02.28.08 (11:18 am)
Reply to: nightbreed
Yeah, seriously. It's been too long girl. Kraz... haha, those were the days, huh. You used to run this joint. Back when it was worth running. Now, it's just a burp. So your crazy aunt is still making trouble for you or are you inspiring yet more stalkers these days? Lawd, I hope not...
posted by: nightbreed (reply)
post date: 02.28.08 (1:08 pm)
Reply to: lindy
it's the same crap..now they they harrassed me (printing off everything i wrote and sending it to lawyers and crap like that) they now have blogs on my space.. go figure eh.
so now i have to turn my dark poem filled blog into my hiding place.. (tear tear)
