I've gotten pretty good at leaving things in the past, once they've been arrested in their proper place. Occasionally, I'll dredge something up to keep what I've learned from it active in my life.. mulling over it in search of its lessons buried within the folds of time. Looking back helps me remember where I've come from and know better where I'm going. But I know it ought not to be done often, as I'd prefer not to trip due to my inattention toward the road in front of me. That said, I looked over my shoulder this morning.

And found an old voice bleating a sob story, their own, of course. As I applied my impression of them to the meaning behind their words, I rolled my eyes in recognition of the same old story.. poor me, I'm so misunderstood, tinged with implication that they've done nothing wrong and that others are culpable. Had I not witnessed first hand, their responsibility for the hurt feelings some feel toward them, I'd have walked away with merely pity in my thoughts. But alas, it's just not that innocent, in spite of their sad words, dripping with eloquence. Maybe the better one gets at phrasing it, the better one gets at believing it. I left my two cents and pointed out the inconsistency, but I wasted my time there, as they are likely to apply their impression of me to the meaning of my words and devalue them to suit their needs in the moment. Life is funny, isn't it?

Misunderstood.. Aren't we all. We are such an inconsistent race. A constant contradiction, reshaping with every unique instance - and they're all unique. We'd give the clothes off our backs to help someone we've come to know and deem worthy of our sacrifice, yet turn a blind eye to a hurting innocent child we've never seen; a Vietnam Veteran standing on the side of the road with a sign. I'd give twenty dollars I can't afford to someone who has touched my life, but haven't gone to the unicef site with that same twenty dollars to give it to someone likely even more in need. And I wouldn't know about them, but for this damning technology that has gripped the world without so much as a whimper in protest. We talk of independence, yet see what isolationism has wrought on the world (even if we pretend not to know the true culprit). We talk of moving forward, yet here I am, stepping backward for a moment, after issuing a well-worded disclaimer that makes it okay to do so. We talk of the world needing more personal accountability, but implement laws that rob us of exactly that. What is personal about a corporation that enjoys by court of law the privelges and rights of an individual person without the responsibility and accountability that we, as individuals have? We promote a lifestyle that requires no accountability. What can you expect from words on a page? We advertise an insistence on individuality in a world where we're all the same, coupled with indifference to others' opinions, despite that the world is our mirror; our benchmark, if you will.

If you bark at the world and the world barks back - you're a dog.

I started off rolling my eyes at a sob story that lacks a few shards of truth (which sullies the entire story and person writing it) and find my thoughts turned toward something much bigger. Well, the nice thing is that each of us have our excuses all lined up in orderly fashion to account for our part (or lack thereof) in it all.

Even escapism; moving to a remote location has a down side in terms of accountability. But perhaps I can kid myself that I'm leading by example.

I've had quite a few directions take hold of my thoughts this morning... it occurred to me that I'm now keeping up a less known journal and this one with very different content. It would be one thing to double post, with perhaps a few editions to the more public of the two, but no, that would prove too easy. Instead, I continue to write more privately about the things in my life I want to remember in a few years, when Depends diapers beckon me and my girls are shaking their heads at my bumblings, etc. And when a few thoughts come to me that might prove better shared with others, I come here. I could have sworn I was out of that business, but.. oh well. I'll shut this one down if it feels anything like the last time I went through this. I've grown allergic to popularity namely due to the expectation that takes over my motivation for writing.

Topics of the morning:

A patched up argument with Devon the other night. Our communication is rock solid and we ended up laughing about it, after disecting it to death. I continue to be actively thankful for our symbiosis.

Adderbury and Piddle. Two of the cutest kittens on earth who proved last night (all night) that they aren't ready to be footloose and fancy free throughout the night. By 3:45 am, I'd had all I could take of double tail chasing and tag team scampering across my face. They were sent back to their cozy little bathroom and Devon got up with me and played a few hands of Gin Rummy and Kings Corners. Suddenly, I find myself with company during bouts of insomnia. That's love.

The line of thought I've entertained most this morning pertains to voting participation, or lack thereof, in the US. I found myself thinking back to the 'Rock the Vote' campaign launched by several celebrities (or perhaps corporations who probably got some kind of payoff for it) on MTV to motivate young people to vote. I'm not sure that it was successful in increasing our turnout. All I remember was Madonna, shocking people as usual in her naked-draped-flag pose and Lenny Kravitz looking his usual cool self in a 'Got Milk?' kind of spread.

To think that President Bush is in office because of a questionable 537 votes is mind boggling. I wandered over to the Rock the Vote site to see what they were up to these days. It's a busy site, crammed with MTV-esque bites and blurbs that frankly left me wanting to head to calmer grounds. But I stuck around and tried to find some history and instead, found myself watching clips of more famous people telling us to vote. Is a 30 second blurb from Samuel L. Jackson, speaking about the possibility of a new draft really going to bring more people out to vote? And a spread on the Dixie Chicks.. hmm, I love their candor and courage, but I'm not sure that a promotional video is going to move the masses into action, so to speak. What is this organization doing to improve the turn out, I asked myself. Sure, the Rock the Vote site is there, the slogan is established, they've got lots of big names that contribute to it looking like an extension of MTV, but what are they doing to promote the message in our communities, in our colleges? I got too lost in the site to ever find that out.

I got to thinking about things celebrities could do to really help get young people involved in voting. They could volunteer their time and presence at the voting booths. They could commit to spending the day at the beginning of the line, meeting and greeting voters as they show up to cast their ballots. Imagine the power of promoting such appearances. We could take it a step further and include people from older generations and other genres, if you will, such as political activists, actors, news anchors, athletes, artists and other known personalities who might prove a real motivating force in bringing people out on voting day. No matter how much money we throw at celebrities, it would require personal sacrifice on their part and for a much greater good. I wonder if they'd do it... I wonder if a national committee charged with bringing two well known people to every ten thousand voters could get the job done...

I wonder why my thoughts led me in this direction. I abhor discussing politics since it's become nothing more than a yes-man club of mud slingers, patting like mindeds on the back. I've always found it amusing when 'learned minds' debate which party is more in touch with the 'common' people. The fact is, neither of them are. And the best way to prove it is to put a common person smack in the middle of one of their discussions. Rather than go about educating such a person, or helping them along in such a discussion, they are almost always quick to rip them apart if they do not come in already agreeing with them, and this includes the hardcore liberals who pride themselves on their openmindedness. Beh.